Visit this site dedicated to Rachel Joy Scott, a girl killed in the Columbine shootings in the late 1990s. Reading her journal is especially sad because it makes everything seem all the more human, instead of simply an "incident that occurred thousands of kilometers away from Singapore".

I'll be at your side.

When the daylight's gone and you're on your own,
and you need a friend just to be around,
I will comfort you, I will take your hand,
and I'll pull you through, I will understand.
and you know that -
I'll be at your side, there's no need to worry,
together we'll survive through the haste and hurry.


I was continually distracted by them. How can I resist them? Kiki wandering in and out of the box, sniffing at it as though it's going to jump at her, Gandos curled up on my table, beside me.


Yeh yeh, distractions. Anything to avoid the readings, huh.


"Only on Sunday night" companions, haha. Bet you can tell that I was doing everything I could to avoid focusing on the readings. It was not a productive night. :D

Midweek!

On Monday, I had three lectures in a row. Ah..the price of having a four-day week. The worse part is that the middle lecture is over at Computing, which means I have to make my way all the way there, and then all the way back. It's a one hour lecture though so I wonder how long it'll be before I start skipping. =P

Tuition's been going okay too albeit she's soo talkative! Which most of the time cracks me up, haha. What's interesting is to see things from a 13 year old's perspective, be amused and then think to yourself, "Hey, I thought of that when I was her age too!" But you know, seeing people study, seeing how concentrated they are and how they persevere can really motivate you.

Oh! Believe it or not, I actually fell asleep while standing on the train! I think it was yesterday, because I was tired out from the long day Monday and the early day Tuesday. When it happened, and when I had woken up [of course], I was excited because I'd heard of my friends falling asleep while standing [especially during NS, lol] but it had never happened to me before so yay!

Haha, talk about cheap thrills, huh..

I managed to get all my tutorials on my first attempt. That's really good k! Last semester I only got two, and one out of that - I got my last choice. So this time around, I just put one choice for each rank and left it at that. Alhamdullilah, I was really lucky this time around.

Yay. On Monday, the Globalisation and Politics lecture was cool! Dr Rappa was hilarious! Singapore Girl..A great way to fly. The best part was that after the lecture, I made a new friend and we realized we were in the same two PS lectures together! How amazing is that?! Haha :D

This one, my friends, was taken earlier today with Shaza darling. We each received roses at the forum [in celebration of V-bash] and so we took this picture while at Megabytes. Haha, I had the chicken roll sandwich, she ordered the egg mayo sandwich and we swapped half so we had a little of both. =D Doesn't this picture remind you of a picture from a long time ago? 2004, Valentine's Day, at Temasek Junior College. That time it was using her camera and I think we were holding Gerberas instead. =)

Tschus!

♥, hot chocolate.

Alrightey folks. A new template for a new year, for a new semester. About two weeks late for the former and one week for the latter.

I feel tired right now albeit happy. I think it's because things are finally looking up..if you ignore, of course, the pimple break-out, the ugly hair-cut and other trivial what nots.

But I still feel happy. Maybe it has to do with hormones. *shrugs*

Whatever it is, I hope this light-hearted feeling doesn't go away because I could use it, after a rough past few months.

I just have this tingly feeling in the pit of my stomach that tells me that everything's going to be all right. It's going to be a great year, I just know it. =)

Sunday morning, rain is pouring -

Love the view that greets me every morning when I roll out of bed. Rain or shine, it's still lovely. Yeppers, I know I'm lucky to get the room with the balcony!

It's been such a lazy Sunday. I haven't done anything productive of late. I only just finished printing out notes for three of my modules..I have two more to go and German! I'm a little apprehensive because I reckon I've forgotten alot of the words. I remember when Herr [Mr] Kim told us to revise during the holidays if we planned on continuing the following semester, I was thinking that I needn't bother because there was no way I was going to continue! But now..well. Learning a new language and immersing yourself in it's culture [because that's what half of each lesson is about] is enriching and a helluva lot of fun. Although it might be less fun this semester because Shaza and I are in different lecture groups.

Oh and it's been raining the whole day! If you're smart, you'll be like Gandos here - curled up in my bed, between my teddy bears. Lucky she's not lying on my lovely red satin robe or it'll be war!

But you know, at least she's considerate enough to cuddle up at the side of my bed. Kiki always plops herself down right in the middle and most of the time, I'll be so happy that that snobby little missy has actually decided to [errm] grace my bed with her presence, that I don't have the heart to move her.

Anyway the four of us - my two sisters, my mom and I have just returned from a relative's house in Kembangan. We visited them because they wanted to meet up with my sister Ana, after her return from Perth. Whenever we go to their house, we will always discover new stories about my other relatives..funny childhood stories and such. I still remember recently during raya when we went there and my aunt told us of a really funny habit my mom used to have and it became even funnier because my dad started adding on to it and teasing her about it, lol.

Well I spent the morning and afternoon cleaning my room, right? Maybe now with a cleaner study table, I can be more motivated to study.

*cracks knuckles*

p.s. I tried creating a new sort of border for the pictures. Took a long time but I like the result! (:

"The person you want to be does exist; somewhere on the other side of hard work and faith and belief. And, beyond the heartache and fear of what lies ahead."

Sometimes the greatest journey is the distance between two people.

I loved The Painted Veil. Maybe because I read too much into it, so I'm interpreting the movie differently.

K, I liked it because the girl seemed to be too sure of herself. Funny reason for liking a movie, huh? Maybe it's because I'm realizing that I've been too sure of myself and I'm not liking that about myself at all.

I liked it too because it was about making mistakes, learning to forgive and at the same time, learning a thing or two about humility.

To me, it seemed as though she thought she knew what she was getting into when she had an affair, she was so sure that she wouldn't fall in love and get hurt - she was so sure that she was guarding herself - but that was exactly what happened to her when she fell in love with the other guy and he let her down eventually by refusing to divorce his own wife and marry her when her husband found out.

So she has no choice but to follow her husband to China [lest face a scandalous divorce], which was at that time ravaged by a cholera epidemic, knowing [or thinking] that he despises her. It's there that she begins to fall in love with him and she herself embarks on a journey of self-discovery.

Fast forward many scenes on battling the outbreak. Fast forward many scenes where you just know that he still loves her deep down but is still punishing her for what she did to him. Later on, they acknowledge how they feel for each other and then, she discovers she's pregnant and she's not sure who the father is. But when she confesses to her husband, he took it really well - well at first he was really happy that she was pregnant but when she told him she honestly wasn't sure who the father was, he still accepted it after a momentary pause and they embrace.

Such a sweet sweet moment! It seems amazing that he's there by her throughout everything and he was so patient with her and trusting because he knew she wouldn't let him down in the end. I know. Seems idealistic, but really, there was so much beauty in everything there. That he was there for her even when she had made a mistake and hurt him so badly.

But later on, he catches cholera and she goes to him. This time, it's her by his side. I found it so moving that when he sees her beside him, he even warns her that it's going to get worse for him so she has to prepare herself.

In the end, he passes away. But she was there with him the entire time.

Later on, as she clears his stuff, she finds a stack of his notes and she starts crying big, gut-wrenching sobs when she recognizes his handwriting.

You used to laugh out loud but you can't remember when.

'Cause there's a thousand lights that'll make you feel brand new, but if you ever lose your way, I'll leave one on for you.

And the whole world crumbles right beneath you.

Oh, didn't i, didn't i, didn't I see you crying?
Feeling all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dying.

Refrain.

Everything I am,
And everything in me,
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be.
I'll never let you down,
Even if I could,
Give up everything,
If only for your good,

So hold me when I'm here,
Love me when I'm wrong,
Hold me when I'm scared,
And love me when I'm gone.

The walls start breathing, my minds unweaving, maybe it's best you leave me alone. A weight is lifted on this evening, I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight
It ends tonight.

All hail the All American Rejects. I rememeber hearing this song once in the car, falling in love with it and later watching it on MTV. I love the video for it too. I love watching him play the piano, I love seeing the pretty pretty fireworks.

Anyway school's been okay. Apart, of course, from the mad rush to drop Metaphysics and take another PS module instead. Metaphysics was interesting, mind-boggling even but I dropped it because I couldn't see a future with Philosophy.

From my notes:
Multiplicity is an illusion. Being is One, because if it were not one, it would be divided into multiple parts. But if it were divided, it would have to be divided by something else. But besides being there is only non-being - nothing. So being is divided by nothing. Therefore, Being is One.

See what I mean by thought-provoking?

Four people have favourited my pictures!

My little wild one,
I'll come back to you.

That's one of my all-time favourite songs. =) Anyway check out my deviantART gallery here. I've uploaded some new pictures..a result of being very bored today. I didn't spend alot of time on them, I went downstairs at around 6.30pm, grabbed the camera, walked around snapping some pictures and then just edited them a little and submitted them. Was done by 7pm. Zowee! I need to learn how to do this properly.

I'm wondering if this blog ought to go private once again. Hehe. Ooh I was browsing through my Friendster just now..deleted all those people who I do not know but who I accepted on a whim. I don't normally accept 'adds' from people I don't know but I recently did just that when I was in a lousy mood and now I've rid my account of people-I-don't-know. Haha.

I'm high tonight. How not to be when one of my favourite songs is playing? (:

This entry is a very belated toast to 2007. People need new beginnings. Every day is a new day, every year is a new year. New beginnings are all around us. Although we shouldn't restrict ourselves to new beginnings only at the start of a new year, I'm not complaining about any reason/excuse to forgive and forget!

2007? You might bring along your fair share of tribulations but I say bring it on.

Here's to sunny days ahead. =)

With them I feel like I'm wasting my time, with you I feel like I'm losing my mind.

=(.

what a way to usher in the new year, huh.

selamat hari raya!

Okay. This is very different from last year. Last year I was all gung-ho and enthusiastic about making resolutions. This time, I still haven't gotten around to even thinking about them.

Last year, I was excited about buying an organizer. I still remember dragging him around everywhere looking for one and finally settling for one from that-shop-at-citylink. A purple one. =) I remember it! I think I stuck with it for about three months before switching to a new one, hehe.

I have a thing for lovely notebooks. I really really love unique notebooks to write/doodle in.

2006 has been a great year. A lot of fab memories created, a lot of changes happening, alot of decisions have been made. Let's hope whatever it is that has happened is for the best, at least for the time being, and if it isn't, let's hope that I'll have the courage to be [wo]man enough to face up to it.

Curse of the Golden Flower is a pretty good movie. So is The Holidays. Cameron Diaz's character is so..infectious and bubbly, haha.

Anyhoo, so far I have two modules. Metaphysics [Philosophy] and Government and Politics of Singapore [Political Science]. I think Adilah has decided to take the PS module with me under SS. =) Last semester I was pretty stressed out over bidding but this semester, I'm just going to do what I think is best - and leave it at that - and I think I'm alot happier with my modules. Provided I get the remaining three that is!

Another day to sing about the magic that was you and me.

Guys Think You're Easy to Be With... But Not Easy

You're definitely a flirt - and a good one. But you also know that you shouldn't make a move on any cute guy who passes by. You save your seductive moves for someone who already knows the real you. That way, your sex appeal is just part of the whole package.

Are You Easy?

You Are Cheesecake

Rich, sweet, and simply perfect. You're not boring - you're just the best!

What Dessert Are You Most Like?

Men See You As: An Attainable Challenge

You know how to make your man crave more of you But you also know when to show some interest back You're good at keeping your guy guessing And over time, you'll let him know how you really feel

Are You a Challenge?

Your Dream Engagement Ring Has a Pear Diamond!

You're personal style is a mix of classic and contemporary, reseved and outgoing. A pear diamond matches your charming personality - and is perfect to show off. You've also got an elegant side, which is complemented a tear dropped shaped pear. It's the perfect mix of Liz Taylor and Jessica Simposon - both wearers of this ring!

What's Your Dream Engagement Ring?

You Are Funky Panties

You're stylish, trendy, but not over the top. You know how to look good - without looking like you're trying too hard. Men think that you're cute, friendly, and approachable. And you've got a spunky, feisty side that comes out after a while!

What Kind of Panties Are You?

How did it come to be that you and I must be far away from each other everyday?

At the beginning of next month, the song will start playing in my blog again. Then when this dear site has received too many hits, the song will stop. Grrr.

I'm cold. I'm sitting in the middle of my living room, my laptop propped against the sofa and I'm cold.

I want Mr Binks to come home. Please oh please come home..

I realized something after Gandos came into our lives..I always wondered if I would be able to love my children the same if I had more than one..and I always feared that I would have a favourite. At least until Gandos came into our lives. Kiki used to be my one and only favourite cat in the world and I love her so much but when Gandos came in, it felt as though the love was shared evenly. I still love Kiki just as much and somehow I love Gandos alot too. I don't have favourites among them. I just love them both so much. I pretty much learned that you can't quantify love.

Then Mr Binks entered. And I fell in love with him too. I miss him so much. =( I miss him sniffling around, looking at me with that curious, innocent expression only kittens can have, rubbing his wet nose against me, rubbing his body against my legs, nibbling my finger, licking my finger, licking my ears, crawling over my laptop and accidentally switching it off, following my around everywhere.. I even miss him meowing.

I'm really really really sad. It really feels as though my heart is breaking. I want Mr Binks back, please Binks, come home and I promise that we'll never let you out of sights ever again...=*(

Gandos is special. She and Mr Binks look exactly alike. Gandos is sitting beside me now and I think she's sad. She never had a friend to play with until Mr Binks arrived..Mr Binks is a playful ball of boundless energy.

That's right. I'm using present tense.

I still remember the first night my sister brought Mr Binks home. He was crouched right at the back of the cage meowing really loudly looking really scared..but he still gobbled up all the kitten food we gave him. Oh Mr Binks, please please please come home..

Gandos is special. I found her meowing under my block, eyes still closed, only about a day old, still unable to walk when I was going out to meet Shahrul. It was rainy season then when we got a new cat. It's rainy season now when we lose one.

Looking after Gandos was hell. I wish I had the old pictures. Trying to get her to drink her milk - force-feeding was neccessary, taking her to the vet, wiping her everyday, bringing her to Kiki so that Kiki could keep her warm..It was hard as hell. Everytime you fed her, you weren't sure if she was choking or swallowing air or the milk. It wasn't easy, but we did it. =( We were so careful, took so much care. How then did we manage to lose Mr Binks?

We looked everywhere for Binks. I know he's probably dead..what are the chances that a kitten will survive this rainy season? Two grim possibilities: eaten by a snake or fell into the drain and was swept away by the strong currents. Which one? Maybe he was cat-napped. But that's not possible. Mr Binks doesn't even leave home..and he was there in the morning, he was sleeping on my grandfather's bed trying to get warm..

Mr Binks picture is even the picture on my wallpaper. It's been two days already...

:*(

Oh my heart, my heart, it's broken..

In the pursuit of happiness, we sometimes lose track of how to hold on to it and enjoy it. We want the perfect lover, instead of the perfect love.

I always feel like a freak because I'm never able to move on like this.

People just have an affair or even entire relationships; they break up and they forget. They move on like they would have changed brands of cereals.

I feel I was never able to forget anyone that I've been with because each person had their own specific qualities. You can never replace anyone; what is lost is lost.

Each relationship when it ends really damages me, I never fully recover. That's why I'm very careful with getting involved because it hurts too much...I will miss of the person the most mundane things. Like, I'm obssessed with little things...Maybe I'm crazy...I think...with people I see in them little details that are so specific to each of them that move me and that I miss and will always miss.

You can never replace anyone because everyone is made up of such beautiful, specific details.

Heyy folks. That's my sister, Ana. She came back from Perth about a week back. The sunglasses are hers, the cap's mine. When I feel especially lazy, I just don a cap. Now I think huge sunglasses are a pretty good idea as well.

And guess what happened at dinner? We planned to have a nice family meal at Kartini's, Parkway because it's been a really long time since we all went out together. So okay, I was really psyched to try the tahu telur there. But when we got there..it was such a major disappointment. Why? Not only had alot of dishes finished [they only told us after we ordered], the chicken dish had eggshells in it! K, so that was major disappointment number one. Major disappointment number two was when we reported it to the waitress. She came back with the same dish with the eggshells still in it, apologized, told us to continue eating it and they would not charge us for it and then she left.

I kid you not.

So later, we told the manager what had happened. She apologized once for it, and when my sister told her we would probably never go back to the same restaurant again..she responded with a mere "Ok."

So yeah, that's about it. We were still hungry after that so we had Macs drive-through. T'was very nice! =)

Signing out!